NCL: Week One Armchair Quarterback

After finally coming down from my 72-Hour orgasm due to the fact that the Game Mix feature has been added to the PC application on Sunday Ticket's Superfan, I've had time to digest Week One in the NFL/NCL. Prepare yourselves: I'm going to draw upon my one-year of Junior High C-Team football where I led the world in sacks (I swear I had like 20), and played the worst Defensive End technique in history to the point that Coach Bruce Fowler made a habit of getting bits of my ass stuck in the bright red whiskers of his Rollie Fingers mustache. That's what I call expert analysis.


RISE OF THE ARIAN NATION




If you're like me and perpetually kicking your own ass for not selecting Foster with one of your first picks, then I share an Oprah-level of sympathy for you. Foster got loose and shredded the historically pourous Colts' run defense to the tune of 200-plus yards and 3 TDs. Gary Kubiak was finally able to execute his offense the way he would like to: Run first, and work of the play action and bootleg game, just like he did in Denver with Elway, Davis, Smith/McCaffery. For Schaub, Andre Johnson and Owen Daniels owners, there has to be some cause for concern. It's unreasonable to expect the Texans to put up the same rushing numbers they did in Game 1 week-after-week, and weekly match-ups will dictate what how the Texans will scheme for each opponent. Up next is the Redskins 3-4 with a front 7 consisting of Orakpo, Haynesworth, Fletcher and company. I look for Schaub to pick on the 'Skin's week secondary, and Foster will struggle to top 100-yards. On an additional note, the Texans still had trouble running the ball in goal line situations, one of the drawbacks of the zone-blocking scheme.

REEF OFF TO A FAST START

My pick to take the NCL title, Efurd, got out of the box hot to start Week One. His cadre of number one running backs and Phillip Rivers will him a difficult match-up every week. However, with 'Megatron' Calvin Johnson losing Matt Stafford for an undisclosed amount of time, Johnson could be in no-man's land with Shaun Hill at QB.

FORTE: I STILL HATE THAT BASTARD



Yep, Matt Forte thrived in Mike Martz's screen game ala Marshall Faulk back in the 'Greatest Show on Turf' days. I vomited blood every time he touched the ball, and wanted to rip Wall's scrotum off and feed it to his dog.

FANTASTICAL THOUGHTS

LT > Greene?

After Shonn Greene put the ball on the ground twice, Ladanian Tomlinson became the only reasonable offensive threat on the field for the Jets and Greene found himself on the bench. Will LT be getting more looks in the Jets' running game?

Best Option in Detroit

Jahvid Best didn't set the world on fire with his 1.4 yard per carry average on Sunday, but he did find the endzone twice. If Stafford is out, Best will be more featured, and it could mean an excellent compliment for Martin to go along with Chris Johnson.

Rookie Back Issues

C.J. Spiller and Ryan Matthews were largely unimpressive in their rookie debuts. Are there any concerns after Week One for Matthews' preseason top 8 RB status?

Dallas Sucks




Uh oh! Maybe the preseason does mean something. The Cowboys continued their inept pass/run blocking performance and looked terrible. Romo, Barber, Jones, Austin, Bryant owners...there's a long, winding road to getting things right in the Big-D. For the record, I think the Cowboys will be a much better team in the second half of the season.

Carson Palmer=Chad Pennington

Is it me, or does Carson Palmer's arm look weaker than my wife's? His arm still doesn't look right after 2 years, and the TO/Ocho combo is ripe for explosion if the Bengals don't get back on track this week.


NCL WEEK ONE AWARDS

Pick-Up-Of-The-Week Award

Jace Baddock-Brandon Jackson

Nice grab for Jace here, who beat all of us to the punch for Mr. Jackson's services. That said as a Packers' fan; the dude is an uber-disappointment. NFL insiders have the Packers interested in either Fred Jackson/Marshawn Lynch to tote the rock in Green Bay.

Worst-Team-In-NCL-History Award

Justin Kelly

There's really not much more to add. His team rivals Bob's 2009 team in suckiness.