NCL Week 2: Review/Preview

Brett Favre looks old. I mean like, Alan Alda on top of James Carville's mom old; with all of the sagging skin and silver-tinged pubes combining to churn stomachs across the globe. I'm not quite sure that last sentence makes much sense, but as I'm trying to hammer this bad boy out between conference calls at the office, I'm going to go with it.

After a multi-turnover, afraid-to-look-at-anyone-other-than-Visanthe Shiancoe performance, Favre looks just about done. Especially when he quoth, "Doesn't really know what we're (team, coaching staff) doing." Looks like trouble in the Twin Cities. Somewhere everyone's favorite Norweigian Austin Salonen is gripping his blankie and praying to the alter of Randall Cunningham and a pair of semen-covered Crocs (not a blast against you, Austin, more a blast against Favre's 'text-messaging).

Start Best, for the LOVE OF OBAMA

While Jahvid Best was scoring TDs, I had Martin down for a 'stone cold lock' win. When I checked STAT TRACKER, however, I noticed a gaudy number of Best's sitting somewhere on Martin's bench. Note to Martin: Now that he's a 'must start', he's going to go for 40 yards on 15 carries. That seems to be how these sorts of things always work out. If Best keeps it up, Martin will contend.

Metz: Is His Squad for Real?

After I came out in the preseason blasting Metz for his franchise tag of Dallas Clark, he promptly responded by tossing himself into the title picture. Nice starts from Manning (predicatbly), Wes Welker (nice to see him healthy), Austin Collie (screw you Pierre Garcon), and Clinton Portis discovering the fountain of youth (WTF?). Does he have a shot to challenge the Jace's and Justin's of the world?

Jay Cutler: The Reversal of Booby's Fortunes?

649 yards, 5 TDs and only 1 int. Looks like the lovefest between Mike Martz and Jay Cutler is finally paying off. With Cutler's resurgence, and franchisable talents like Larry Fitzgerald and Ryan Matthews (jury's still out, admittedly), Bobby's 4-year plan could be paying off.

NCL NOTES

-Anyone miss the Doosh this week? With the Cowboys about to go 0-3, it'd be fun to pick on Bingham. That said, he did start Ryan Grant in another FF league last weekend. It's probably for the best that he's gone.

-I still hate Matt Forte. I hope Clay Matthews curb-stomps him.

-If there's no conceivable way you're going to place in the money (my team), do you keep blowing $5 per transaction to right the ship?


Pick-up-of-the-Week

Tom's pick-up of Mike Vick is decent, but Jace snagging Mike Tolbert and Marshawn Lynch was a nice move. When I saw those moves, I realized how much Jace cares, despite his steadfast denials of Keeper League Love. Lynch has been featured in Buffalo, and he's obviously disgruntled. The Bills aren't going anywhere, so why not feature Lynch? His most likely landing spot: Green Bay, where Ryan Grant is on IR for the season.

NCL: Week One Armchair Quarterback

After finally coming down from my 72-Hour orgasm due to the fact that the Game Mix feature has been added to the PC application on Sunday Ticket's Superfan, I've had time to digest Week One in the NFL/NCL. Prepare yourselves: I'm going to draw upon my one-year of Junior High C-Team football where I led the world in sacks (I swear I had like 20), and played the worst Defensive End technique in history to the point that Coach Bruce Fowler made a habit of getting bits of my ass stuck in the bright red whiskers of his Rollie Fingers mustache. That's what I call expert analysis.


RISE OF THE ARIAN NATION




If you're like me and perpetually kicking your own ass for not selecting Foster with one of your first picks, then I share an Oprah-level of sympathy for you. Foster got loose and shredded the historically pourous Colts' run defense to the tune of 200-plus yards and 3 TDs. Gary Kubiak was finally able to execute his offense the way he would like to: Run first, and work of the play action and bootleg game, just like he did in Denver with Elway, Davis, Smith/McCaffery. For Schaub, Andre Johnson and Owen Daniels owners, there has to be some cause for concern. It's unreasonable to expect the Texans to put up the same rushing numbers they did in Game 1 week-after-week, and weekly match-ups will dictate what how the Texans will scheme for each opponent. Up next is the Redskins 3-4 with a front 7 consisting of Orakpo, Haynesworth, Fletcher and company. I look for Schaub to pick on the 'Skin's week secondary, and Foster will struggle to top 100-yards. On an additional note, the Texans still had trouble running the ball in goal line situations, one of the drawbacks of the zone-blocking scheme.

REEF OFF TO A FAST START

My pick to take the NCL title, Efurd, got out of the box hot to start Week One. His cadre of number one running backs and Phillip Rivers will him a difficult match-up every week. However, with 'Megatron' Calvin Johnson losing Matt Stafford for an undisclosed amount of time, Johnson could be in no-man's land with Shaun Hill at QB.

FORTE: I STILL HATE THAT BASTARD



Yep, Matt Forte thrived in Mike Martz's screen game ala Marshall Faulk back in the 'Greatest Show on Turf' days. I vomited blood every time he touched the ball, and wanted to rip Wall's scrotum off and feed it to his dog.

FANTASTICAL THOUGHTS

LT > Greene?

After Shonn Greene put the ball on the ground twice, Ladanian Tomlinson became the only reasonable offensive threat on the field for the Jets and Greene found himself on the bench. Will LT be getting more looks in the Jets' running game?

Best Option in Detroit

Jahvid Best didn't set the world on fire with his 1.4 yard per carry average on Sunday, but he did find the endzone twice. If Stafford is out, Best will be more featured, and it could mean an excellent compliment for Martin to go along with Chris Johnson.

Rookie Back Issues

C.J. Spiller and Ryan Matthews were largely unimpressive in their rookie debuts. Are there any concerns after Week One for Matthews' preseason top 8 RB status?

Dallas Sucks




Uh oh! Maybe the preseason does mean something. The Cowboys continued their inept pass/run blocking performance and looked terrible. Romo, Barber, Jones, Austin, Bryant owners...there's a long, winding road to getting things right in the Big-D. For the record, I think the Cowboys will be a much better team in the second half of the season.

Carson Palmer=Chad Pennington

Is it me, or does Carson Palmer's arm look weaker than my wife's? His arm still doesn't look right after 2 years, and the TO/Ocho combo is ripe for explosion if the Bengals don't get back on track this week.


NCL WEEK ONE AWARDS

Pick-Up-Of-The-Week Award

Jace Baddock-Brandon Jackson

Nice grab for Jace here, who beat all of us to the punch for Mr. Jackson's services. That said as a Packers' fan; the dude is an uber-disappointment. NFL insiders have the Packers interested in either Fred Jackson/Marshawn Lynch to tote the rock in Green Bay.

Worst-Team-In-NCL-History Award

Justin Kelly

There's really not much more to add. His team rivals Bob's 2009 team in suckiness.

Not Even a Mouse...

I've got to admit; it does feel a little like Christmas Eve. It's only hours before the official kickoff of the 2010 NFL Season and the true beginning of the 2010 NCL Title chase. It's been a long, boring-ass summer with only Soccer and Lebron's D-BAG FEST down in Miami to keep us preoccupied. Well that and of course like 15 celebrities died (RIP Corey Haim and Gary Coleman).

Tomstradamus is back, and although Chris Simms is still chasing that elusive 2006 MVP, he's ready to get back on track. So with that my fellow cooters, here are 5bold predictions before the 2010 season gets truly underway.

1. Justin will win the NCL Title

Actually, this season is a two-horse race (sorry everyone else). It's going to be either Jace or Justin, and in the end I'm going with the guy with 5 viable RB options. Injuries happen and often derail fantasy seasons...AP is due.

2. The Texans Will Not Make the Playoffs

Yeah, I know...it hurts me just writing that, but we've got to face the facts. The Texans are without Brian Cushing for the first four games, and they will be rolling out the not-so-dynamic duo of Glover Quinn and Kareem Jackson against the likes of Peyton Manning, Tony Romo and Donovan McNabb. And that's just in the first three weeks. 9-7 for Houston this year; and Kubiak is shown the door.

3. The New York Jets will Miss the Playoffs

While Rex Ryan is the most entertaining NFL Coach since Jerry Glanville, and the Jets Defense is fierce, the loss of Thomas Jones and Alan Faneca will hurt the offense a little more than they realize. The Patriots are the class of the AFC East, and the Dolphins aren't too far behind. Sorry Rexy; Matt Sanchez is a doucher. Let's go have a goddamned snack! (Hard Knocks Reference)

4. Terrell Owens Will Be Released by Week 10

Who honestly thought that teaming TO with Ochocinco was a good idea? Well, the team that signed Pacman Jones, that's who! In all honesty, does anyone envision a scenario where TO makes it through without at least throwing his Receivers coach under the bus? Then again, the Bengals don't release anyone...until they die (RIP Chris Henry).

5. Predictions

AFC Division Winners

New England-East

Baltimore-North

Indianapolis-South

San Diego-West

AFC Wildcards

Miami

Cinncinati

NFC Division Winners

Green Bay-North

Atlanta-South

Dallas-East

San Francisco-West

NFC Wildcards

Philadelphia

New Orleans

AFC Champion

Baltimore

NFC Champion

Atlanta

Super Bowl Champions

Baltimore


That's it, Cooters. Enjoy kickoff 2010.

Draft Grades

With the 2010 NCL draft in the books, it’s time to size-up how NCL Owners performed in the draft. The draft was a bit subdued as almost everyone was hung over from the night before, but nonetheless interesting as two owners drafted via ‘satellite.’ On to the grades...

BOOBS
Grade: B

There are two certainties in life: everyone dies and Boobs drafts rookies. With that in mind, it came as no surprise when Boobs took Ryan Matthews 1st overall, as the 1st year player out of Fresno State looks to step-in and fill the RB role in the Chargers high-powered offense. With the fourth pick in the first round, Boobs selected Larry Fitzgerald, a franchisable WR who may not produce this season, but will nonetheless provide value if Arizona ever finds a QB. Boobs loaded up on RBs with 2nd-year back Knoshown Moreno, Marion Barber and Colts successor Donald Brown before chasing 2nd year WR Jeremy Maclin, who will likely evolve into a 1b option in Philidelphia opposite Desean Jackson. Mike Wallace will be the number one option in Pittsburgh at WR, and if Percy Harvin can keep from vomiting he’ll be a threat for the Vikings with Sidney Rice out for 8 weeks. Good, safe draft for Boobs with lots of franchise options after this season, because his current roster of franchised players blows harder than…you guessed it…Nancy Wall.

Wall
Grade: B—

Ragin’ Cajun James Carville look alike entered the draft with questions on his franchised roster. McFadden will be the number 2 option in Oakland, Matt Forte needs a strong rebound in a Mike Martz offense and LeSean McCoy is my pick to repeat Matt Forte’s 2009 season. DeAngelo Williams is a safe pick at RB, although his future is in question with his contract up at the end of this season and Jonathon Stewart/Michael Goodson looking to assume the two-headed monster role in Carolina. There are questions for Williams if Wall’s looking to drop a tag at year’s end. Nice add of classic number 1 receivers in Steve Smith and Reggie Wayne. Smith’s upside is limited by Matt Moore, but great deep threat potential in Hakeem Nicks. Michael Bush will be the number one in Oakland, and he stocks up at QB with Flacco and Favre. He waited awhile on TE with Gresham, who’s a borderline one.




Austin
Grade: B+

For all of my cracking on Austin for his affinity for Minnesota, he actually acquitted himself quite well in his first NCL draft. Frank Gore is a slam dunk number one RB and a potential franchise player for another two seasons. Desean Jackson is a number one WR, but his fantasy scoring came in bunches last season, and the droughts were painstaking. Plus Maclin should emerge as just as viable an option for Kolb in Philadelphia. Cadillac is a nice RB 3 option, though injury prone, and D. Bowe is an unknown in KC, but the unquestioned number one option for Matt Cassel. Shiancoe is a nice TE pickup with Favre back in the fold, and a great value pick with Lee Evans late. Nothing outstanding at WR on the roster, but a lot of potential leaves Austin with a solid roster going forward.

Bille
Grade: C

I guess there weren’t many better options at RB in the first round, but Pierre Thomas is viewed is a partial homer pick with nice potential in a crowded NO backfield. Reggie Bush has shown an ability to run between the tackles during the preseason, and the backfield should be considered a legit platoon. Greg Jennings is the number one option in GB at WR, but with old man Driver and the emergence of J. Finley, Jennings will need to rebound from a disappointing 2009 season to be worthy of his draft slot. Felix Jones is a world of possibility, but he’s proven he’s incapable of staying on the field, and Marion Barber is still the number one in the Big D. Plus the Cowboys’ O-Line looks like pure garbage so far, and there are legit concerns in Dallas about their ability to open holes and keep Tony Romo upright. I like Malcolm Floyd in the fifth as the number one option in San Diego, and he could take Bille’s WR 2 spot by season’s end. Nice depth at QB in Palmer and Matty Ryan, and Dustin Keller could be interesting if Dirty Sanchez quits attending Bieber concerts.

METZ
Grade: C-

Fresh off the franchise tag of Dallas Clark, the NCL’s favorite trophy hunter (sorry, Jace) looked to go for it all in the last year of Peyton Manning. Metz needed help at RB, as Brandon Jacobs could be the RB2 in NY, and Washington didn’t bring in Willie Parker and Larry Johnson because they thought Clinton Portis was producing. Ronnie Brown, Metz’s previous tag will provide some pop at the RB provided he stays healthy. Ditto Wes Welker at WR. Metz’s receiving corps is running on potential and a pocket full of wishes with Johnny Knox, and Mike Sims-Walker. It’s only a matter of time before Monterio Hardesty is the man in Cleveland (for what that’s worth). Thomas Jones is nice RB3-4 depth.

Kelly
Grade: F

Eli Manning first round pick. Larry Johnson. Derrick Ward.

Mendo
Grade: C

The only thing impressive about Steve’s draft was his iPad. Joseph Addai is a by-the-chalk number one in Indianapolis, and scuttlebutt out of Indianapolis is that Donald Brown is not ready yet to carry the load. Vince Jackson in the 5th was a reach, considering no one knows when he’ll play and who he’ll play with. We know for certain that it’s not going to be San Diego. Brent Celek is a solid TE pick, and Steve Breaston is a victim of Derek Anderson Syndrome.

Roy
Grade: A

With Chris Johnson on his roster, Martin did an amazing job of grabbing RB potential. Jahvid Best is the man out of Detroit, and while he carries the same warning tag as all rookie RBs, he’s been shooting up draft boards across the fantasy landscape while Kevin Smith continues to rehab. Ahmad Bradshaw will be the number one back in New York, and he looks like an absolute beast this year. Ringer was an absolute handcuff necessity with the history of backs coming off of 2,000 yard seasons, and he had to get CJ’s backup. Martin’ WR corps will be his weakness. I’m not crazy about Bernard Berrian as his WR 2. There’s a reason Minnesota brought in Javon ‘Make-It-Rain’ Walker and Greg Camarillo other than Sidney Rice’s convenient hip surgery. Fred Taylor is a nice addition, even with Bill Belichek’s penchant for rotating 3 RBs and giving them equal carries.

Cathey
Grade: D

Without his 1st and 4th round picks, Tom once again backed himself into a hole. Jonathan Stewart was the pick in the 1st round, taking into consideration the Stewart will be the number one in Carolina next season. It was a franchise pick. Then he started the TE run too early, and even though Finley will be the top rated TE by year’s end, he probably could’ve used WR help there. At WR, Garcon could end up being the man in Indianapolis by year’s end, but with an undisclosed injury cropping-up, who knows. And yes, Hines Ward could be value, he’s got Dennis Dixon until Week 5 and an emerging Mike Wallace who should be the go-to-guy for the Steelers shortly. Tom had to go with fliers at WR in Kenny Britt, Jacoby Jones and Mike Wallace. Could those guys be Tom’s Desean Jackson and Steve Smith (NYG) of 2010? Doubtful. Oakland defense? Really? Yeah, I get they’ll play the Chiefs and Broncos four times, but come on.

Tibs
Grade B

With two workhorse RBs on the roster, Tibs got to go with pass game threats in the first two rounds. Anquan Boldin could bust out in Baltimore as the number one, and Vernon Davis should post decent numbers. Ricky Williams is a good value pick, especially with the health status of Ronnie Brown an always lingering question. Dez Bryant will be a solid WR 2 option by season’s end, and Donovan McNabb looks decent in Kyle Shanahan’s offense. Solid draft for Tibs.

Jace
Grade: B+

When you’re the champ and you get to reload with Aaron Rogers and Adrian Peterson, two first round talents, life is good. Ochocinco will benefit from having TO on the other side, and Antonio Gates will jockey with Finley to be the top tight end producer in 2010. With no Vinny Jack, Gates is Phillip Rivers unquestioned number one option. Donald Driver is old, but he’s not done, especially if Greg Jennings can’t discover his 2008 form. Solid dept at RB with Maroney, and Santana Moss is a nice sleeper pick.

Efurd
Grade: A+

Efurd managed to grab four starting running backs in the draft, which is absurd. Arian Foster, Justin Forsett, Jermone Harrison (Hardesty out for the season), and Tim Hightower has beat out Beanie Wells for the top spot on the depth chart. With MJD already in the fold, Efurd can afford to deal a RB for depth at other positions. Oh, and he got Miles Austin to go opposite Calvin Johnson. Owen Daniel’s knee is healed, and Efurd takes two defenses to play match-ups. I’m calling it now: Efurd will battle Jace for the 2010 NCL crown.